Archive for Dr. Marta Adelsman

The Gift of Openness

Friday, June 12th, 2015

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com
(
June 12, 2015)

photo_martaadelsmanRecently I decided to use my practice of jogging to improve my posture.  As Bella trots beside me, her little white cockapoo legs a blur, I focus on how I carry myself:  core tight, rib cage lifted, shoulder blades together, chin back, breath-in, breath-out, left-right, left-right.

In years past, I have often sat or stood round-shouldered in an attempt to shield myself from potential emotional pain.  For years I had a low opinion of myself, moving through life apologizing for my wants, my needs, and my existence.  With my body in a hunched-over position, I had a very nice view of the ground.  Read More→

Categories : Dr. Marta Adelsman

The Alchemy of an Argument

Friday, May 29th, 2015

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com
(May 29, 2015)

photo_martaadelsmanImagine picking up a dirty, rusty piece of metal and watching as it turns to gold in your hand.  That image is an allegorical representation for something that happened to me last week.  My husband, Steve, and I had triggered each other into an argument.  With significant others, certain subjects seem to ignite our emotions and we dig in our heels, raise our voices, or shut down.  In this dialogue with Steve, our different ways of approaching the topic collided, and sparks flew. Read More→

Categories : Dr. Marta Adelsman

Real Partnership

Friday, May 15th, 2015

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com
(May 15, 2015)

photo_martaadelsmanSometimes it happens that your significant other or someone else with whom you are close undergoes “problems.”  It’s easy to take on the problems, feeling them as your own.

It serves you to develop the ability to remain unattached when your significant other experiences depression, anxiety, or other reactions to life’s ups and downs.  Know that anything he/she goes through is not your fault and it is not about you. Read More→

Categories : Dr. Marta Adelsman

Handling Perfectionism

Friday, May 1st, 2015

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com
(May 1, 2015)

photo_martaadelsmanWe all know people for whom things must be “perfect.”  We often label them as controlling, picky, critical, etc. If you have ever lived with a perfectionist, you have witnessed his or her frustration when things don’t go as they “should.”

The degree to which people insist on perfection in others or in their environment equals the degree to which they insist on perfection within themselves.  It’s a huge burden they place on themselves, and they suffer because of it. Read More→

Categories : Dr. Marta Adelsman

No Problem

Friday, April 17th, 2015

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com
(April 17, 2015)

photo_martaadelsmanI grabbed my journal to try to make sense of the confusion and internal dissonance I felt.  I wanted to shed some light on a pattern that has shown up in my life for many years (the details don’t matter here), a pattern that I felt did not serve me.  “Finally,” I thought, “I’m going to get a handle on this problem!”

Following my usual journaling style, I wrote out the “problem” as I saw it and then sat quietly, ready to face it down. I asked and waited for an answer to percolate from the Silence into my conscious mind, one that would put a sword right into the heart of the problem. With pen poised, I would write whatever came to me. Read More→

Categories : Dr. Marta Adelsman

Fusers and Isolators

Friday, April 3rd, 2015

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com
(April 3, 2015)

photo_martaadelsmanIn most relationships, there exists a pattern where one person wants to move closer and the other desires to move away.  Fusers, who want more closeness, often appear to their partners as needy, while isolators, who resist closeness, seem cold and uncaring. (This dynamic also appears in friendships and in many family relationships.)

Each wants to change the other, and each makes the other wrong. Trying to get your partner to change leads to tension and suffering. Read More→

Categories : Dr. Marta Adelsman

The Mess of Humanness

Friday, March 20th, 2015

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com
(March 20, 2015)

photo_martaadelsmanLife is messy.  When we appear on this planet, none of us can escape calamity, confusion and chaos.  For some, it’s chronic.  For others, it’s occasional.  For all of us, “messy” happens.

Relationships contain untidy incidents that feel unpleasant.  They may bring up anger, guilt, anxiety, embarrassment and shame.  No matter how much you try to keep relationships neat and organized, at some point they will show up in a disheveled state. Read More→

Categories : Dr. Marta Adelsman

A Harrowing Birth

Friday, October 3rd, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com

(October 4, 2014)

**“Meet the Baby” Book Signing**

photo_martaadelsmanI don’t recall when the seed was first planted. I know I had been pregnant for years with the idea to put some of my newspaper columns into book form. When I heard about a local Author’s Forum to be held two months away, I decided to go for it. How difficult could it be to have the book ready?

I chose the columns, set up the manuscript in the self-publishing format required, and prepared the cover.  Things sailed along pretty smoothly until the last week of July.  I couldn’t seem to perform one vital technical task in my manuscript before I submitted it for review and publication.  I worked long hours for several days to find a way around the obstacle. Still I made no progress in solving the technical issue. Read More→

Categories : Dr. Marta Adelsman

Not Your Job

Friday, September 19th, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com

(September 19, 2014)

photo_martaadelsmanFor the majority of the 43 years of my marriage to Steve, I looked to him to meet my emotional needs.  Then I learned this important lesson.  For those of you in a relationship, this may surprise you…

It’s not your significant other’s job to meet your needs.

It’s your job to meet your needs.  When you ask this of your partner, you place an unnecessary burden on the relationship that it often can’t sustain. Read More→

Categories : Dr. Marta Adelsman

Trust Your Intuition

Friday, September 5th, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com

(September 5, 2014)

photo_martaadelsmanLike me, I’m sure you’ve faced situations where you felt anxious or nervous before going into a conversation.  You weren’t sure what to say, so you rehearsed a version of that conversation in your head.  Here’s a different way:

Trust that everything you need to know and say in any given situation will be revealed to you in the moment you need it.

You may have a rough idea of how you would like the conversation to go, yet you can’t really tell ahead of time what energy will show up between you and another in a future setting. Read More→

Categories : Dr. Marta Adelsman

Stop Beating Around the Bush

Friday, August 29th, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com

(August 29, 2014)

photo_martaadelsmanYou’ve done it, too.  You prepare to make a point and something grips you so that you hesitate, feel flustered, and fumble for what to say.

Since I write about that which I most need to learn, I’m sharing about a recent conversation where this happened to me.  I hesitated and “beat around the bush” about what I really wanted to say, feeling kind of dumb in the process.   Read More→

Categories : Dr. Marta Adelsman

The Sweet Tone of Intuition

Friday, August 15th, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com

(August 15, 2014)

photo_martaadelsmanOn this spring day in 1989, however, Ethan had no intention of giving in to his mother’s restriction.  He had made plans with his friend, Justin, and he felt determined to keep them NOW.  “Go ahead as soon as you’ve put in your half hour of practice,” I said in an even tone of voice. Read More→

Categories : Dr. Marta Adelsman

Creating calm through completion

Friday, August 1st, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com

(August 1, 2014)

photo_martaadelsmanSeveral months ago, my husband and I removed the carpet in our bedroom.  It took us a while to decide how we wanted to redo the floor. In the meantime, we lived with bare concrete. During these months, every time I entered the room I felt tense and anxious.  The floor pulled on my attention, draining my energy. Read More→

Categories : Dr. Marta Adelsman

The Nonsense of Comparison

Friday, July 18th, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com

(July 18, 2014)

photo_martaadelsmanMost people I know (including myself) tend to compare themselves with others.  Here are some thoughts I’ve had lately about the effects of making comparisons on our inner peace…

Making comparisons is all about noticing differences in order to pass judgment toward yourself or another.  In comparison, someone always comes up short.

Most comparisons occur in the areas of physical appearance (image) or accomplishments.  They create either the drama of “better than” or “not good enough.”  Read More→

Categories : Dr. Marta Adelsman

Riding the Waves of Emotional Upheaval

Friday, July 4th, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com

(July 4, 2014)

photo_martaadelsmanIn July of 2011, I experienced an emotional, spiritual and psychological crisis.  It came on suddenly. I share it with you today because of the richness of the lessons in it.

The upheaval coincided with an awareness of how attached I had become to my roles. I define “roles” as the ways in which I had chiseled and molded myself into an image that I presented to the world.  I questioned the authenticity of these roles of Life Coach and communication specialist, newspaper columnist, board president of an organization, spiritual teacher of sorts, even wife and mother.  Read More→

Categories : Dr. Marta Adelsman

An Exercise in Forgiveness

Friday, June 20th, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com

(June 20, 2014)

photo_martaadelsmanWhen I recently made a list of people I needed to forgive, I didn’t realize it would be so long.  I kept thinking of people and situations to add.  I put down anyone and anything I could think of around which I had a little or a lot of judgment, negativity or resistance.  I also included aspects of myself that I had judged. Read More→

Categories : Dr. Marta Adelsman

Ain’t It Awful

Friday, June 6th, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com

(June 6, 2014)

photo_martaadelsmanWe all have patterns of relating that don’t serve us.  Often we don’t even know we have them.

You probably know people who engage in a communication game that Eric Berne, in his book Games People Play, called “Ain’t It Awful.”  I’m talking about folks who liberally use complaints in their conversations in which a “this-is-terrible” message lies behind almost every sentence. Read More→

Categories : Dr. Marta Adelsman

“I” Versus “You”

Friday, May 23rd, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com

(May 23, 2014)

photo_martaadelsmanBy the time we get to our 50s and beyond, we’ve put a lot of years into practicing communication habits that don’t serve us.  The longer we practice these habits, the more ingrained they become.  I indulged in one the other day.

“You’re not paying enough attention to me!” I said to my husband, Steve.  “You seem pre-occupied with getting ready for the tour you’re leading to Japan; you’re always somewhere else in your mind.  I’d like you to spend at least a little quality time with me before you go!” Read More→

Categories : Dr. Marta Adelsman

Out of the Harbor

Friday, May 9th, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com

(May 9, 2014)

photo_martaadelsman

I’m sure my father didn’t realize what he was doing.  He didn’t know, when he called me a dummy or angrily asked, “Who do you think you are?” that he was teaching me to squelch my dreams.  So I believed into adulthood that I couldn’t dream big.  Thus I stayed in my safe harbor with my familiar goals and activities. Read More→

Categories : Dr. Marta Adelsman

There’s No Such Thing as a Dragon

Friday, April 25th, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com
(April 25, 2014)

On my shelf sits a children’s book that I used to read to my three sons when they were small.  It’s entitled There’s No Such Thing As a Dragon by Jack Kent.

In the story, Billy Bixby awakens one morning to find a kitten-size dragon in his room.  His mother convinces him there is no such thing as a dragon, so Billy stops paying attention to it. As he ignores it, it grows larger and larger, eventually wreaking havoc on the Bixby house and in the neighborhood. Read More→

Categories : Dr. Marta Adelsman