By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com 
(May 10, 2013) 

After my friend, Mary Cravets (now also my business coach), recently asked me for a back column for her e-zine about making assumptions, I was aghast to discover that I had no such column! I couldn’t believe, after years of teaching about not making assumptions, that I had never written an article about it. So I went to work, and here it is.

In one of my workshops, I lead participants through an exercise in which they talk briefly with a partner about their morning routine. Both partners, however, speak at the same time. At the end of the exercise, no one can report hearing more than a word or two of what their partner said. Read More→

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By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com 
(April 26, 2013) 

I had a lot of extra tasks to accomplish last week when I became sick. Instead of spending time getting done what I considered important work, I spent it lying in bed nursing my bronchial passages back to health.

As I healed, I went through a process. At first, I inwardly resisted my situation. Fighting it did no good; it had obviously won, so I began to move myself toward a state of acceptance. Read More→

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By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com 
(April 14, 2013) 

In February, my oldest son came for a visit. I wanted him and three of my friends to meet, so I arranged for us all to have lunch at a local restaurant. I soon noticed that things weren’t going well.

People talking and dishes clashing echoed throughout the restaurant, making it challenging to hear each other across the table. In addition to this, my son didn’t feel well and was somewhat withdrawn. The conversation seemed rather “bumpy.” Read More→

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By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com 
(March 15, 2013) 

I woke up one morning last August, my mind racing with projects that called to me for completion. The biggest one involved the prolific peach tree in our backyard. Hundreds of ripe peaches awaited my knife and freezer bags.

Normally my husband, Steve, and I partner in this annual venture of peach harvesting. However, Steve had plans to leave for Japan early the next morning to lead a tour (see www.adventuresinjapan.com). This tour had come up suddenly, so he had his own overwhelm to deal with. Read More→

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By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com 
(March 1, 2013) 

I used to leave the presence of an elderly neighbor, when I lived in Chicago, feeling almost physically ill. Even though I knew her more than ten years ago, I recall vividly how this woman would often plunge into depths of complaining and blaming. I allowed her intense negativity to drag me down emotionally and to drain my energy. These interactions felt toxic to my system. Read More→

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By Dr. Marta Adelsman
www.DrMartaCoach.com

Verde Valley AZ (November 2, 2012) – I have always thought I had a high forehead.  Whenever the wind blows my hair back, I feel embarrassed, and I quickly smooth my hair down over my forehead.   

Somewhere in my background, I developed an opinion of high foreheads, at least of my high forehead.  My mind convinced me that it just didn’t measure up to the fashion magazines’ images of beauty. 

I don’t know a single woman who doesn’t feel disdain or shame or embarrassment about some part of her body. (I bet you guys suffer from this, too.) We buy into the lie that our appearance doesn’t measure up if we deviate from some imagined standard.  Read More→

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By Dr. Marta Adelsman
www.DrMartaCoach.com 

I wrote the following article for the Verde Independent in the spring of 2004.  It was one of the first that I wrote for the paper, and I share it with you here:

Verde Valley AZ (September 28, 2012) – One of the siblings had to do it, and the lot fell to my husband.  He needed to convince his mother that she could no longer handle the responsibility of driving.

Her peripheral vision had greatly diminished, and she had had a minor stroke that impaired her judgment.  After several challenging conversations about her driving, she reluctantly handed over her car keys. Read More→

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By Dr. Marta Adelsman
www.DrMartaCoach.com 

Verde Valley AZ (September 14, 2012) – Have you ever had the experience of wondering why, when you talk with someone, they suddenly become defensive or reactive in some way? You may actually set up your friends or family to react to you without being aware that you are doing so. Today I’m sharing with you four points from a “Chat ‘n’ Chew” discussion I led at Jerona Café last week on this topic. These should support you to avoid communicating the following:

1) Accusation. The question “Why?” often puts others on the defensive. Perhaps it stems from parents accusingly asking you, when you were a child, “Why did you…?”. For whatever reason, the question often leaves me feeling accused, so I avoid it. I encourage you to substitute “How come?” or “Help me understand the reason for…” instead of “Why?”  It also helps if you speak the substitute phrases with curiosity in your voice rather than accusation or blame. Read More→

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By Dr. Marta Adelsman
www.DrMartaCoach.com 

Verde Valley AZ (September 7, 2012) – Wouldn’t you know that, almost immediately after I had chosen the topic for this article, I became entangled in my own drama. Since I had lots to do on that day, I asked my husband to walk our dog, Bella. He also had much to accomplish, so he declined my request. As I grabbed Bella’s leash and left the house, I felt resentful and “huffy.

As I walked, I observed the martyr complex that created a storm in my emotions. The ego’s pride manifested in a “poor me” attitude. This theme, and that of “Why does this always happen to me?” run throughout my life. I liken this dramatic fixation to an addiction. Read More→

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By Dr. Marta Adelsman
www.DrMartaCoach.com 

Verde Valley AZ (August 31, 2012) – My husband, Steve, had the video camera ready.  I felt pretty good as I trotted and cantered Jasilla around the arena.  Jasilla and I have developed a solid rapport during the past three years.  I’ve ridden her a lot and have contributed toward her training.

As Steve kept the camera on us, I thought to myself, “He’s getting some great footage!”  I thought of the reaction my friends would have as they viewed these clips on my Facebook page.  “I look really good.  I’ve come a long way in my riding skills, and it really shows.  People will be so impressed!” Read More→

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By Dr. Marta Adelsman
www.DrMartaCoach.com 

Verde Valley AZ (August 24, 2012) – It happens a lot.  I get behind a slow driver and I suddenly feel all this pressure to get where I’m going fast!  Impatience hangs heavy in my gut. I realize that my hurry-up mode has whisked me out of the present moment into thoughts about the future and “getting there.” 

It’s fascinating how the mind whips us back and forth between past and future.  In the past, it rehashes events and grievances and regrets.  In the future, it creates “what if” scenarios. I would imagine the worst in the area of money and finances, and my stomach would tie itself into knots. The fear felt like a fist thrusting into my solar plexus.  Read More→

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By Dr. Marta Adelsman
www.DrMartaCoach.com 

Verde Valley AZ (August 10, 2012) – Not long ago, my husband, Steve, made a comment to which I had an intense reaction. I interpreted his comment to mean that he felt superior and wanted to make me inferior.

Shame and guilt reared up in me, followed by intense anger. I blamed Steve for my drama and made up that he had deliberately caused me pain.

For years, I’ve taught that what upsets us about another really resides in us. If it didn’t, we wouldn’t react.  When we experience an emotional charge toward someone or something, we harbor some version of that very thing that bugs us so much. Read More→

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