Archive for Dr. Marta Adelsman

No Problem

Friday, April 17th, 2015

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com
(April 17, 2015)

photo_martaadelsmanI grabbed my journal to try to make sense of the confusion and internal dissonance I felt.  I wanted to shed some light on a pattern that has shown up in my life for many years (the details don’t matter here), a pattern that I felt did not serve me.  “Finally,” I thought, “I’m going to get a handle on this problem!”

Following my usual journaling style, I wrote out the “problem” as I saw it and then sat quietly, ready to face it down. I asked and waited for an answer to percolate from the Silence into my conscious mind, one that would put a sword right into the heart of the problem. With pen poised, I would write whatever came to me. Read More→

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Fusers and Isolators

Friday, April 3rd, 2015

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com
(April 3, 2015)

photo_martaadelsmanIn most relationships, there exists a pattern where one person wants to move closer and the other desires to move away.  Fusers, who want more closeness, often appear to their partners as needy, while isolators, who resist closeness, seem cold and uncaring. (This dynamic also appears in friendships and in many family relationships.)

Each wants to change the other, and each makes the other wrong. Trying to get your partner to change leads to tension and suffering. Read More→

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The Mess of Humanness

Friday, March 20th, 2015

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com
(March 20, 2015)

photo_martaadelsmanLife is messy.  When we appear on this planet, none of us can escape calamity, confusion and chaos.  For some, it’s chronic.  For others, it’s occasional.  For all of us, “messy” happens.

Relationships contain untidy incidents that feel unpleasant.  They may bring up anger, guilt, anxiety, embarrassment and shame.  No matter how much you try to keep relationships neat and organized, at some point they will show up in a disheveled state. Read More→

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A Harrowing Birth

Friday, October 3rd, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com

(October 4, 2014)

**“Meet the Baby” Book Signing**

photo_martaadelsmanI don’t recall when the seed was first planted. I know I had been pregnant for years with the idea to put some of my newspaper columns into book form. When I heard about a local Author’s Forum to be held two months away, I decided to go for it. How difficult could it be to have the book ready?

I chose the columns, set up the manuscript in the self-publishing format required, and prepared the cover.  Things sailed along pretty smoothly until the last week of July.  I couldn’t seem to perform one vital technical task in my manuscript before I submitted it for review and publication.  I worked long hours for several days to find a way around the obstacle. Still I made no progress in solving the technical issue. Read More→

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Not Your Job

Friday, September 19th, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com

(September 19, 2014)

photo_martaadelsmanFor the majority of the 43 years of my marriage to Steve, I looked to him to meet my emotional needs.  Then I learned this important lesson.  For those of you in a relationship, this may surprise you…

It’s not your significant other’s job to meet your needs.

It’s your job to meet your needs.  When you ask this of your partner, you place an unnecessary burden on the relationship that it often can’t sustain. Read More→

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Trust Your Intuition

Friday, September 5th, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com

(September 5, 2014)

photo_martaadelsmanLike me, I’m sure you’ve faced situations where you felt anxious or nervous before going into a conversation.  You weren’t sure what to say, so you rehearsed a version of that conversation in your head.  Here’s a different way:

Trust that everything you need to know and say in any given situation will be revealed to you in the moment you need it.

You may have a rough idea of how you would like the conversation to go, yet you can’t really tell ahead of time what energy will show up between you and another in a future setting. Read More→

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Stop Beating Around the Bush

Friday, August 29th, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com

(August 29, 2014)

photo_martaadelsmanYou’ve done it, too.  You prepare to make a point and something grips you so that you hesitate, feel flustered, and fumble for what to say.

Since I write about that which I most need to learn, I’m sharing about a recent conversation where this happened to me.  I hesitated and “beat around the bush” about what I really wanted to say, feeling kind of dumb in the process.   Read More→

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The Sweet Tone of Intuition

Friday, August 15th, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com

(August 15, 2014)

photo_martaadelsmanOn this spring day in 1989, however, Ethan had no intention of giving in to his mother’s restriction.  He had made plans with his friend, Justin, and he felt determined to keep them NOW.  “Go ahead as soon as you’ve put in your half hour of practice,” I said in an even tone of voice. Read More→

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Creating calm through completion

Friday, August 1st, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com

(August 1, 2014)

photo_martaadelsmanSeveral months ago, my husband and I removed the carpet in our bedroom.  It took us a while to decide how we wanted to redo the floor. In the meantime, we lived with bare concrete. During these months, every time I entered the room I felt tense and anxious.  The floor pulled on my attention, draining my energy. Read More→

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The Nonsense of Comparison

Friday, July 18th, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com

(July 18, 2014)

photo_martaadelsmanMost people I know (including myself) tend to compare themselves with others.  Here are some thoughts I’ve had lately about the effects of making comparisons on our inner peace…

Making comparisons is all about noticing differences in order to pass judgment toward yourself or another.  In comparison, someone always comes up short.

Most comparisons occur in the areas of physical appearance (image) or accomplishments.  They create either the drama of “better than” or “not good enough.”  Read More→

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Riding the Waves of Emotional Upheaval

Friday, July 4th, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com

(July 4, 2014)

photo_martaadelsmanIn July of 2011, I experienced an emotional, spiritual and psychological crisis.  It came on suddenly. I share it with you today because of the richness of the lessons in it.

The upheaval coincided with an awareness of how attached I had become to my roles. I define “roles” as the ways in which I had chiseled and molded myself into an image that I presented to the world.  I questioned the authenticity of these roles of Life Coach and communication specialist, newspaper columnist, board president of an organization, spiritual teacher of sorts, even wife and mother.  Read More→

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An Exercise in Forgiveness

Friday, June 20th, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com

(June 20, 2014)

photo_martaadelsmanWhen I recently made a list of people I needed to forgive, I didn’t realize it would be so long.  I kept thinking of people and situations to add.  I put down anyone and anything I could think of around which I had a little or a lot of judgment, negativity or resistance.  I also included aspects of myself that I had judged. Read More→

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Ain’t It Awful

Friday, June 6th, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com

(June 6, 2014)

photo_martaadelsmanWe all have patterns of relating that don’t serve us.  Often we don’t even know we have them.

You probably know people who engage in a communication game that Eric Berne, in his book Games People Play, called “Ain’t It Awful.”  I’m talking about folks who liberally use complaints in their conversations in which a “this-is-terrible” message lies behind almost every sentence. Read More→

Categories : Dr. Marta Adelsman

“I” Versus “You”

Friday, May 23rd, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com

(May 23, 2014)

photo_martaadelsmanBy the time we get to our 50s and beyond, we’ve put a lot of years into practicing communication habits that don’t serve us.  The longer we practice these habits, the more ingrained they become.  I indulged in one the other day.

“You’re not paying enough attention to me!” I said to my husband, Steve.  “You seem pre-occupied with getting ready for the tour you’re leading to Japan; you’re always somewhere else in your mind.  I’d like you to spend at least a little quality time with me before you go!” Read More→

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Out of the Harbor

Friday, May 9th, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com

(May 9, 2014)

photo_martaadelsman

I’m sure my father didn’t realize what he was doing.  He didn’t know, when he called me a dummy or angrily asked, “Who do you think you are?” that he was teaching me to squelch my dreams.  So I believed into adulthood that I couldn’t dream big.  Thus I stayed in my safe harbor with my familiar goals and activities. Read More→

Categories : Dr. Marta Adelsman

There’s No Such Thing as a Dragon

Friday, April 25th, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com
(April 25, 2014)

On my shelf sits a children’s book that I used to read to my three sons when they were small.  It’s entitled There’s No Such Thing As a Dragon by Jack Kent.

In the story, Billy Bixby awakens one morning to find a kitten-size dragon in his room.  His mother convinces him there is no such thing as a dragon, so Billy stops paying attention to it. As he ignores it, it grows larger and larger, eventually wreaking havoc on the Bixby house and in the neighborhood. Read More→

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Releasing Resentment

Friday, April 11th, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com
(April 11, 2014)

A year-and-a-half is a long time to hold a grudge.  Yet for that amount of time, a friend of mine had endured silence from a friend of his.  She had held onto a perception she had that he had dishonored her.  When I heard this, I knew I had to write about resentment.

You may have heard that holding onto resentment toward someone is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.  Well, it’s true. Read More→

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Pressure or Peace?

Friday, March 28th, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com
(March 28, 2014)

The clock let me know in no uncertain terms that my usual bedtime had come and gone. My brain felt tired and foggy as I sat at my computer, struggling to stay awake enough to complete the project on which I worked.  Yet I didn’t perceive that I had a choice. 

My thoughts kept pounding, “You have to get this done now!” The more I attempted to focus and concentrate, the more resistant and irritable I felt. Read More→

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Opt for Openness

Friday, January 3rd, 2014

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com
(January 3, 2014)

photo_martaadelsmanMy training and coaching has led me to believe that I’m a pretty good listener.  So imagine my chagrin when, in a recent phone conversation in which a friend shared a personal struggle, she gave me feedback that I hadn’t been listening very well.  I had two separate inner reactions: 1) intense resistance to the idea that I hadn’t listened well, and 2) surprise that she would be so bold as to say so!  Read More→

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The Secret to a Peaceful Holiday

Friday, December 20th, 2013

By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
www.DrMartaCoach.com
(December 20, 2013)

photo_martaadelsmanDuring the holidays, many of you spend more time with family members than usual. As you prepare for this holiday season, stay aware. The extra stress and pressure makes you vulnerable to the ego’s antics. It’s easy to take personally any criticism that comes your way from other family members who are also feeling stressed and pressured.

I’m sharing with you a key principle of communication and spirituality: criticism aimed at you is really about the person who criticized you. It isn’t about you. Read More→

Categories : Dr. Marta Adelsman